Although the Baby Expo last weekend was busy, exciting and so much more than I thought it would be for me, I did enjoy seeing so many families attending! The young couples expecting their first child, or adding to the family with a little brother or sister, and the soon-to-be grandparents. I spoke to a couple of those, too.
When the event was over and I had time to reflect, I discovered a couple of things.
First, I’m one of ‘those old people’ right now. You know the people you looked at when you were in your 20’s and 30’s and thought, ‘I have so much time before I’m that old.’
Well, you kind of do and you kind of don’t.
‘It seems like yesterday!’, I bet you’ve heard that a lot, but it does!
It seems like it was just yesterday when I was in the delivery room with my oldest daughter with who would be my girl’s grandmother. (A long story for another time)
It seems like yesterday that I worked a full time job outside the home. I, too, stayed home to be with the children and was so very fortunate to be able to do that because of my sweet husband.
It seems like yesterday when my oldest moved out on her own, although it’s been over 10 years now.
And now the youngest is going to be 20 and taking off on her adventures.
And it seems like yesterday that I first noticed that I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.
There were no more back-to-school nights. There were no more school pick-up lines. No more band practices and events.
I’ve had a few jobs over the years to get us through some rough spots, but I haven’t been out in the work force for quite a while. When I did start looking for something, I found I was so underqualified to work today. I worked in accounting for so many years, but now it is so different. It’s all on the computer. Since I am not familiar with the programs, no one would look at me. Going back to school really wasn’t an option then. So we did what we could and here we are.
I started feeling so lost. They call it ’empty-nesters’, I guess. But there is so much more to it than the house being empty. Having children and having to raise them was so strange. I mean, we all have these ideas of having a family, but when it comes right down to it and you get to actually name a human being and then have to teach it everything, it’s a bit overwhelming! And no one tells you this! No one!
I guess if you were told everything, no one would ever have kids.
Now they’re raised and they’ve turned out to be pretty good humans, right? Now we have to stand back and let them have their adventures, let them make their mistakes and realize, though we don’t want to, that they can make their choices whether we agree with them or not. We are now in the position of advisor, not rule maker. And I’m fine with that.
It’s taken quite some time for me to come up with something that would fill the empty spaces in myself. So many years the needs of the family were first and foremost, and no one told me that I’d have this emptiness, such a huge feeling of helplessness, and I didn’t know what to do with it, or even understand it, actually.
So, here it is. What you women, new mothers, mother’s-to-be and even you fathers need to know. You need to have something in your life that does not revolve around your children. You need ‘self’. You need to be someone other than ‘mom’ and ‘dad’, because someday you’ll be on your own again and not know what to do. And it sneaks up on you, step by step, inch by inch, because so much DOES revolve around your children, but you have to keep an eye out and remember to remember YOU.
Finding Young Living and essential oils gave me a purpose again. The number one reason I fell in love with them is the effect they’ve had on the health and wellness of our family. It also got me curious, learning about what they do, how they did it and why they do what they do. It gave me some alternatives to what I was doing for the health of our family. It led me to learn about how we were eating and what the consequences could be for not taking care of what goes into our bodies. And, yes, it filled that need to still care for my children as they race off into adulthood.
It may have come late in the game for me, but that’s why I’m so passionate about sharing. I can’t undo what we’ve done in our family, but I can change a little at a time, one thing at a time, for the better.
And this is my purpose now.